Words of Warning

This is my response to the prompt 'Warning Labels' from The A Mused Poetry Contest The fridge magnet letters spilled out on the table, followed by the numbers and then a WARNING label. ‘Some more advanced children may well be prone to spell out things you may not condone.’ Piffle, I snorted, as I added …

An Ode to the anodyne Ms. O

Chelsea Owens has bought to an end her weekly Terrible Poetry competition because, instead of getting more terrible with each passing week, we started to sound more like people who were actually literate and punny. This is my final entry and tribute. Bring a ring o' poeters, A pocket full of poseurs, A tissue (of …

Ode to an automatic lawnmower

This is my response to the weekly Terrible Poetry contest prompt of 'a humorous end to a useful object'.   Boris, as we called him, made short work of our lawn in no time at all for many a year, his whirling dervishing music to my ear. But one fateful day his brain faded away …

Barfing on Dad’s old army pants

This week's challenge on the world of Terrible Poetry is to parody a popular song on the the theme of Covid-19. I've chosen 'Macarthur Park' with some reluctance, having been a roadie for Jeff Duff in the distant past and was always thrilled to hear him sing this. Ah, well, anything for art.   The …

Re-leafing myself in public

My entry into this week's Terrible Poetry contest on the theme of spring or autumn, depending on your hemisphere. (with apologies to His Bobness)   As the calendula ticks (not to be confused with cattle ticks) over to the March of the sugar plum fairies I vow to turn over a new leaf. But I …

Disaster limericks

These flawed gems are in response to this week's Terrible Poetry challenge, which consists of 'stockpiling against a worldwide disaster, in limerick form'. Wine not The world is facing disaster So stock up on tuna and pasta Cache rolls for the loo Store sanitising goo And ensure your wine cellar’s vaster.   Paperless society Go …

From bottom-burps to bogeys

This was written for the weekly Terrible Poetry challenge. The divine Ms. Chelsea says ‘the topic is the cute (or 'cute') things that kids say. I'll admit I'm more inspired by the parenthetical version after our dinner conversations lately. What is it with young children (perhaps just with boys) and potty humor? Do they really think …

Ern Malley Incarnate (Vegan Options Available)

This piece was written for the Terrible Poetry challenge centred on the Bard of Australia, Ern Malley . Can't think who could have alerted the charming Ms Chelsea Owens to Ern's stellar career.   ‘Now is the winter of our wet cement’ quoth Lucy in her sty with diamonds in her silk-purse ears. Meanwhile, in …

Perce P Cassidy and the Sunblock Kid

This was written for the Terrible Poetry prompt of the topic of anniversaries, especially diamond ones. 60 years they been ridin’ together only these days they ride by rail, Perce’s face like Nebuchadnezzar, The Kid a whiter shade of pale.   Despite all that Hollywood drivel These two are indefatigable Although The Kid has developed …

Little Willie poems

These arise from the very excellent Terrible Poetry site's challenge for this week to write a Little Willie poem. The name comes from a way of writing poetry that was popular in the early 1900s, where each exponent tried to invent a catastrophe more gory in event and more nonchalant in effect than its predecessor. …