This piece was written for the Six Sentence Challenge, with the prompt word of ‘guide’.
Browsing on Ebay, I stumbled upon a book entitled ‘A Guide to Hell – The Alternative Facts’ by B. L. Zebub, with a description that read ‘Learn what the corrupt elites don’t want you to know about an alternative AfterLife’ and offered for sale by the highly rated Seller, Q. Anon.
My winning bid brought this tome (smelling somewhat of sulfur) to my home and I immediately began to explore ‘Chapter 1 – It is NOT hot in Hell’, which informed me that, contrary to all the lies, Hell’s residents enjoy the very pleasant warmth of those lazy Hades days of summer.
Chapter 2 made it clear that the soundscape does NOT consist of wailing and lamentations but instead the joyful sounds emanating from residents enjoying the mud baths and the hot tubs.
As the chapters unfolded, I learned that the Lake of Fire is actually a very pleasant place to go sailing and that the so-called ‘brimstone’ is actually the charcoal used on the myriad barbecues where the residents enjoy gnashing their teeth on a cornucopia of culinary delights provided by Mr. T. Rump, St. Alin and Miaow C. Tong.
In the final chapter, The Real Revelations, I learned the secret codes used for programs to imprison the citizenry (e.g. Covid = Centralised Oligarchy via Vaccinations, Internet and Disinformation).
When I’d finished reading, I congratulated myself on my investment; after all, signing over my brain was small price to pay for The Truth and, besides, I wasn’t using it anyway.