This piece was written for the weekly Six Sentence Challenge, with the prompt word of ‘bowl’,
As many of you know, when I single-handedly won the war with Antarctica (quibblers may suggest that’s because I was the only one who turned up), I donned my dinner suit and danced with the penguins well into the night, only to have the producers of Happy Feet steal my thunder.
These days, I moonlight as creative advisor to a host of entertainers and world figures but confidentiality agreements mean you mustn’t breathe a word of what I tell you, except for the divine and unpretentious Lady Gaga, who’s happy to admit that I came up with the idea of the meat dress.
When President Obama invited me to the White House to thank me for my previously unsung role in designing his first election campaign (yes, I could), I enthralled his other guests with my playing of the Star Spangled Banner on a musical saw and delighted them with my stories of when I used to sit in for Charlie Watts occasionally when the Rolling Stones were on tour.
Few people know I was an old friend of Fred Astaire’s and that I was invited to deliver the eulogy at Fred’s funeral; not only was there not a dry eye in the house, when I bounded onto the coffin and tap-danced to ‘Top Hat, White Tie and Tails’, soon the whole wake had a fascinating rhythm.
And then of course there’s my writing, including my uncredited role as script advisor for Titanic, Star Wars and Saving Private Ryan (the stories I could tell about what really went on in those landing craft between takes will have to wait for another day.)
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to prepare my acceptance speech for the Oscars, where I’m to be presented with a Lie-Time Achievement Award, otherwise known as the Hyper Bowl.