In my impending dotage (and you can stop that sniggering in the back row), I’ve discovered cooking and a penchant for adventure. I found a recipe for squid stir-fry and imagined a song of praise from my goodly spouse. ‘Perfectly cooked squid, on an eclectic bed of seasonal vegetables, conjuring the exotic flavours and aromas of Asia’ a pretentious restaurant menu would have said.
The recipe read ‘green curry paste’ but what would they know; one paste is as good as another, I thought, (ever the egalitarian). With what I imagined was a chefly flourish I enhanced my imagined masterpiece with a large blob of chilli paste, hurled straight into the Hades of the wok.
Instantly, I was alerted to the error of my ways by a nose like a running tap and a total shut-down of my lungs (except for the coughing bit). My wife rushed to my rescue, either concerned about my paroxysms
or what I might be coughing into the evening meal, but, alas, she was swiftly felled by the same symptoms.
Every door and window open onto the evening chill, ceiling fans gyrating dangerously at speeds hitherto unknown and the Chernobyl wok banished to the nether regions of the back yard, we averted asphyxiation.
My previously baked sausage rolls sated what was left of our mustard-gassed appetite. They tasted a lot like humble pie.
But you have probably invented a way of chasing Covid aerosol particles out of the atmosphere!
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Indeed. Must go, I’ve got a Zoom appointment with the patent office coming up. 🙂
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Dangerous deviations from instructions…
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Indeed but, believe me, the lesson is seared into my lungs and I have improved greatly from those early heady devil-may-care days. 🙂
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Stick with the stodge and a jaded palate rather than a fire-breathing smoking one.
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Oh, Obb, where’s your sense of adventure! 😉
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Ha. Great ending line.
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I have some green curry paste if you’d like to try again. Leave out the squid for me, though.
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Thanks but I’ve got green curry paste coming out of my ears (unless that’s my brain leaking). Squid, done gently and not turned into rubber, is one of the great seafood delights.
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You have a more refined palate than mine, Doug. I eschew all seafood and fish. Love your title, though.
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Ah, cooking’s best left to the experts.
My disasters are many
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Bugger the experts! They’re the same people that brought us a flat earth and bogus cures. 🙂
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Yes, it is often a cop out to leave things to ‘those who know best’. Mmm, perhaps I should cook tea tonight particularly since my dear wife is out at work on a public holiday keeping me in the manner I deserve 😀
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You do like to live dangerously, don’t you 😉
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There is nothing like a good curry, and this was nothing like a good curry!
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