Let me set the scene. Our new home has the advantage of an elevated position, providing and idyllic view overlooking open paddocks, trees and the rolling hills that surround us. It also overlooks the rear of the local pub and its carpark. One of the less edifying aspects of that particular part of our view is the phenomenon of the regular sighting of men urinating, in broad daylight, into bushes, behind rubbish skips and various stacks of pallets and beer kegs, and then returning inside the hotel.
Now, we know that the pub is possessed of modern and well-maintained toilet facilities. So what has us scratching our heads (and my good wife expressing disgust) is … why? My wife has expressed the jaundiced view that perhaps it’s something to do with them wanting to avoid comparisons that might find them wanting in the size department. I’ve posited the theory that sometimes a man might be caught short in a manner that making it to the internal facilities might risk an ‘accident’, especially for those of the prostate generation. However the relatively young age of most of the miscreants suggests that this theory doesn’t hold water.
I have read that Mao Tse Tung never abandoned his peasant habit of going into the garden to void his bowels. So perhaps it’s some sort of ritualised behaviour developed in youth that some men never quite extinguish. Or perhaps it’s some sort of infantile bravado triggered by one pint too many.
We are considering acquiring a loud hailer so that we can provide a running commentary (as it were) or getting a camera with a telephoto lens so that we can shame them on social media.
We throw ourselves upon your collective wisdom about this phenomenon and its appropriate management.